day 22: unfulfilled potential

What to say about yesterday?

It was a day of unfulfilled potential.

When I was lazy as a teenager, I used to pretend to myself that there was some kind of glory in unfulfilled potential, as if being capable of something and not doing it was somehow cool.

I’m better now, more complete; and I know that isn’t true.

Yesterday’s evening gig was horrible – true, it got laughs, all the way through, and not necessarily from an especially generous audience even. But I could have really torn the place apart, I could have really done well, and I didn’t. Because I wasn’t thinking about my act fully enough, and I hadn’t spent enough time preparing.

I was scatty; I didn’t go neatly between bits of material; I referred to the unprofessionalism of my performance; everything about the act was as unprofessional as it could get while still somehow getting laughs. The problem is not that I was bad; the problem is that I could have been so much better and wasn’t. Perhaps I’m just getting tired and jaded…

At least I got to see ‘Sammy J in the Forest of Dreams’ after the gig. That was good.

CTD: Audience – medium, seems to be picking up toward the weekend; Performance – poor at first, but an audience riff about shaking everyone’s hand got them back with me and after that it went well (6/10)

SSS: Audience – small; Performance – lazy. Competent, just lazy (3/10)

Other Stuff: Should perhaps be measured more on what didn’t happen than what did. It was basically just another day in which it rained, I flyered and did gigs and not much else occurred…

Overall: LOSE

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